Believe in Us

Today marks the day that I break away from Jacob, out of all the times I've  discussed it with him and not been able to follow through, I did it. I did it for the both of us. I decided to be strong for US. Only then, will he find happiness in himself. Only then will he forgive himself. Only then will he understand what he's done wrong and then he will realize what he has to do differently and ultimately accept what he's done and what he needs to do now. Which will allow him to move on and move forward. I love him so much and it hurt me more to leave him, than it hurt him. To see the pain in his eyes, to feel the need he had for me. The feeling of not letting go, it killed me. I can't explain how hurt I feel. But I know we both need to change our bad habits and create a healthier relationship with ourselves before we attempt to heal our unhealthy relationship. It just crushes my heart and soul to know that our time together is ticking. With my plans for school in Arizona around the corner I bet he feels like he's being ripped out of time. Like he doesn't have enough as it seems with the current situation. But before he knows it, the time he will have with me will be healthier, and memorable, because I'm ready for change, I'm ready for a new US! 

Don't you ever stop believing in yourself, like I won't ever stop believing in you. I love you Jacob. 

From him to me

The way you make me feel

Love. What is this feeling? It can mean various things. I suppose. Like the feeling you get when you care enough. Or the feeling as if you dislike someone but still care about them extremely enough to say you love them, but yet you won't like them. What differentiates them both? Is it the fact that one can like a person, place, or thing just enough to accept them. To the point where if you liked them enough, you grow fond of it, and that closeness becomes deeper. As if closeness, makes you comfortable, and that comfort brings you relaxation, which makes you happy. I like to think that Happiness is like a drug. You fiend for it it more than anything. I think love is a combination of feelings that adds up to itself. Or maybe a math problem which has no limit. Because as much feelings you add to the equation, you can put an infinite of feelings, ones that don't even fit, because they don't even exist. So it becomes unsolvable. It's not in reach, but yet it's as if you're at home with the results. Love is like home, a place you can claim your own. A place where there's comfort, a place you feel relaxed, a place where you can be happy. It's a state of mind that can only be felt. You create your own definition of love. I mean because it is used in different contexts, just as that, it can be felt in different ways. There should not be a limit to the wonders of exploration. Love is exploring something new. Something different, but yet familiar. That's how I feel about being IN LOVE. It's a journey you have to take willingly. Knowing that you might be the only one on that journey. And it shouldn't stop you from disregarding this wonderful feeling. Because I believe that it's worth it. Everyone should experience their own meaning of Love. It's better to feel love, than to have never loved at all. Whether you're in or out, there's no regrets in ever taking that step into the cloud. Because it's foggy, you don't know what's at the other end, all you have is yourself, your hope, and your faith. Your self will get you through the fog, however long the trip to the other end can be, you get this feeling like if you're about to get on a roller coaster, you're excited but your body tickles and you're nervous. But that's where your hope puts his hand on your back as he leads you through the fog. Your faith keeps you grounded, your faith believes that it's not just you in that journey but that there's someone right next to you who also is in for the ride, so you feel invincible. Whatever lies at the end, will be worth it. I'm still on this journey. With the love of my life, my soulmate, my partner. This journey of finding ourselves loving each other as deep as one can feel IN LOVE. It's scary, I can admit. You feel like they are the only thing that matters. That the sky can be falling and the only thing to worry is if my ray of sunshine is with me. I am the safest when I'm with him. I'm at peace knowing he's by my side, and that he's the last person to see my smile. And I'm the last person to feel his touch and warmth. To feel his soul and him feel mine. I will never stop loving him. I just want him to come away with me, not just for a while, but for the while we have been given with each other. This feeling is a sure one. It's more definite then the feeling I've had for anything. I go mad, just rambling on, Its just the way you make me feel. It's the adventure I've been searching for. Even though I always thought myself as a free spirit, you're the one that frees my spirit from the confinement of my own evil, and brings me peace. I guess being in love is having a good piece of mind, and being at peace with the makings in your life. 

My girl

9-27-14 Everyday I wake up, I thank The Lord for another day of life. I thank him for the blessings he gives me and pray for those in my life. But today I woke up to a message I wish was not true. My dearest friend Jasmine Flores had moved to San Jose California from New Mexico being the new girl, I worked security with her and aside from that we were really close friends. She moved back to Albuquerque 6 weeks ago and I didn't get to see her before she left. And just this Saturday she left this world, it is with a heavy heart that I wish her family my deepest condolences and my prayers go out to you. She was an incredible person with the most highest of dreams and goals. Never a dull moment with this beauty. She was always happy about life! No matter what obstacles were thrown her way she welcomed the challenge and made it hers. One of my closest friends, and only friends that I've known to this day pass away. It's really hard to believe. Everyday is a blessing, and everyday I'm thankful, and everyday I pray for those I love so much. We should always treat the days we have like if it's our last, have you made a difference today? Did you make someone smile today? Did you give thanks for everything you have in life? I know that I will do this every living day. I thank Jasmine for all the beautiful times we've had and all the beautiful places we shared. And I thank her for opening my heart up to new things and new perspectives I love you Jasmine and I will miss you SO MUCH. Until the day we see each other again. Xoxo my girl. 💖💕✨

Oceans wonder

The difference between love and infatuation is that one moment you can be extremely infatuated by somebody or something you go mad. But just as quick as it is to be infatuated it's just as quick to get over it. But with love it grows on you it's an infatuation that becomes more subtle, more accepting, more comfortable. It becomes a good habit, it becomes a good hobby, it becomes the most important thing in your life. It becomes a part of you. You are in it, you are in love. Love is the ocean while infatuation is a puddle. A puddle is good for a day, an ocean is good for decades. A puddle is fun for the moment, the ocean is deep and full of wonders. Why splash in the puddle when you can swim in the ocean. 

Welcome the light

The look he gives me is piercing. It pierces my eyes like the light of day shining through the windows of your home. While you welcome the morning, I welcome his soul. 

The look of an angel wrapping his sweet arms around me holding me close and tight making me feel like there's no where better but here. Here in this moment, here in this place with this beauty, with this face, with those eyes that say more than words can. That show more than actions can. That show more than the present but show the future. It can make you time travel forward in time and make you realize the only moment that mattered was that moment when you first found out that was the moment that will determine your life. The happiness the sadness the ups and the downs. The success of that look, those eyes, from that one person, from that one soul. From that ray of sunshine that woke you up, and opened the curtains of your lashes and shined through the window of your eyes and welcomed the day. Oh how blessed I am for another day. 

Galaxy

I wake every morning blessed with life, blessed with a partner that I share my whole self with. A partner that is the definition of a left hand man. A partner one can share memories with. A partner that will add detail to my story while I add creativity. Together finishing a chapter in ones life, anxious to create another chapter full of light and spontaneity. My partner is my treasure. My partner is my world. The only world I want to live in, the only world I would want to be a part of. He is my world and I am his galaxy.