White noise

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, everybody needs it, you can’t always do everything on your own. Break away from the pride and Independence, and reach out they say. Well, why is it that now, when i’m in need of help no one is helping me. Or is it that i’m not asking the right person. Maybe I am a little bit afraid to ask just because i’m embarrassed. I truly am and i’m disappointed. I’m a basket full of negatives. I feel worthless. I try to do something about my situation, yet it doesn't go in my favor. Although he makes me happy, I can’t help but to feel depressed. I’m only depressed because i’m not satisfied or happy with the position that i’m in. I’m not happy with myself so I can’t fully be happy at all. I like to be out and about, enjoy my outer extrovert. But when i’m alone with my thoughts I just feel shitty afterwards. No wonder a lot of introverted people feel the way they do, they get in too deep, that’s why they are morbid thinkers. I mean, I've always been a morbid thinker .. I wouldn't go to drastic measures and sleep forever. But just hurt my body with all the negative thinking. Not by action but by my body’s own physical way, emotionally and mentally, it’s unhealthy. When I write out my feelings I feel like i’m removing them from my head and leaving it on white noise. Which can be stored away, but when opened, although it’s silent it’s really loud and it makes a screeching noise that can be heard, not by anyone else, not by your ears, but by your eyes that are planted on one focus. It triggers my nerve cells and electrifies my body. You’re in too deep. But what you find out is that if you're mentally strong, you can silence that noise.