Tiffany's Land

What's better than Alice in Wonderland is Tiffany in The land of Possible. Where everything is, and no one wonders, because everyone does and none regret no risk taken.

Bittersweet

I enjoy a rainy day, but not like any other would . I like running through the rain beating the waves of drops splashing on my face, landing on my head. It's delightful as the rain caresses my skin, and wraps it's way around and holds it for a second, then he leaves you in awe. Like a hand touching your face, only to stay for a while. The rain is a bittersweet event.

Soul surfer

My lips tainted red, my soul is fluorescent blue, it's always an adventure when I'm with you. -Tiffany

Free spirit

Inspiring, motivational, realist, direct, Honest.

Cloudy but very delightful

I've started to blog again, like I used to, I find myself in the need to do so. I've been doing a lot of thinking, now since I have a lot of time in my hands, I can't get enough of it. It really eats me up sometimes, thinking about my struggles. But the thing that I try to do is STAY POSITIVE. Something I've not been very exposed to, until recently. I met this boy. Not to long ago, and he makes me happy, he makes me smile, and he makes me laugh. But most importantly he wipes away my struggles. He takes me on an adventure, every time i'm with him. I've met new people and new places. I've tried new things and new wine. I don't know, but I knew there was something special about him when I met him. I have to say, he made quite the first impression. We hit it off. You know when you feel like you benefit from a friendship, you want to stay. That's how I feel about him, but I don't think he benefits much from me, that's why I've started to feel like he won't stay. I know it's been a short period of time since we first met until now. But I've grown very fond of him. I think about him a lot, wondering how his day is going, what interesting tales he's got for me. I know I'm an over thinker, and that is my flaw, I think too much about things and I find myself doing this here, blogging. Blogging about how I've fallen for someone like him. I don't know what falling in love means, but I know what being passionate means. and if being passionate about somebody, and caring for a human being so strongly, and you think about them a lot and want nothing more but to be with that person, well then I think i'm in love. I've never thought myself as a romantic, but I think someone once told me I was. As tough as my barrier is and as tough as my heart is, it weakens in the thought of not having him in my life. Just because he has made a huge impact in it so far. With hearing his story, our deep drunk conversations and adventures we've been in. I never thought I would get this attached, but I did, I completely let my guard down. Which I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, only time will tell. My tough soul is telling me to beat it to the punch, wipe it away, the feelings, the wanting, and the passion for him like I usually do, to just like any other guy. But the thing is he's not like any other guy. He's different, he's special, he's sweet, and that's what keeps me there, what keeps me from leaving or making stupid mistakes or actions that I will regret. He is someone that I haven't had in my life. Someone that makes me feel extremely alive. He makes me feel a million things. I'm comfortable, it's weird but I feel like i'm at home with him.

White noise

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, everybody needs it, you can’t always do everything on your own. Break away from the pride and Independence, and reach out they say. Well, why is it that now, when i’m in need of help no one is helping me. Or is it that i’m not asking the right person. Maybe I am a little bit afraid to ask just because i’m embarrassed. I truly am and i’m disappointed. I’m a basket full of negatives. I feel worthless. I try to do something about my situation, yet it doesn't go in my favor. Although he makes me happy, I can’t help but to feel depressed. I’m only depressed because i’m not satisfied or happy with the position that i’m in. I’m not happy with myself so I can’t fully be happy at all. I like to be out and about, enjoy my outer extrovert. But when i’m alone with my thoughts I just feel shitty afterwards. No wonder a lot of introverted people feel the way they do, they get in too deep, that’s why they are morbid thinkers. I mean, I've always been a morbid thinker .. I wouldn't go to drastic measures and sleep forever. But just hurt my body with all the negative thinking. Not by action but by my body’s own physical way, emotionally and mentally, it’s unhealthy. When I write out my feelings I feel like i’m removing them from my head and leaving it on white noise. Which can be stored away, but when opened, although it’s silent it’s really loud and it makes a screeching noise that can be heard, not by anyone else, not by your ears, but by your eyes that are planted on one focus. It triggers my nerve cells and electrifies my body. You’re in too deep. But what you find out is that if you're mentally strong, you can silence that noise.

25th and Julian

I can't help when I think of Grand Theft Auto but to think of Brandon Oliverez. He was my next door neighbor on 25th and Julian. He had a little brother named Myles who I would've sworn was a devil child. I'm joking, but he was evil, at times. He had this boxer named Dolly, cutest thing, we'd take her to the dog park and play with her in his backyard. I would go pick him up from his football practice with his mother. His mother was actually an interesting woman. She had this smell of cigarettes, a raspy voice and always wore khaki overalls that had white paint splattered all over them. I can't quite think of her name at the top of my head. She was a single mother and was also a father of 2 boys. She worked construction which explains the khaki overalls and splattered paint style she had going. The father of the 2 boys was living out of state, probably had another family of his own, and gave squat to his kids. She managed to do a good job at raising 2 boys on her own, so anyone would say. Yet, behind closed doors, her anger lead her to abuse her kids. Brandon was the one who got most of the 'attention'. Sometimes he'd provoke her if Myles did something wrong so he could prevent her from punishing him. I even witnessed her being abusive. One day after Brandon's football practices, she would stop the car in the middle of a stop sign get out the car and hit him in the back seat. One day I met Brandon outside of my house so we could hang out, but he came out to tell me he couldn't play, or hang with me that day. I asked him why and his answer was that his mom was mad at him. He looked a little shook up. I asked him if she did anything to him, he said no, I fell. He lifted his shirt and on his side and back were scratch like red marks and scabs. I told him to tell me the truth and he says to me, "No I'm fine, she was just mad, it's okay, I love my mom". Right then at that moment, I understood, but not the way I would explain it now. I understand now, that even though he was being physically abused by his mother, there was emotional abuse that was being passed around. She was emotionally distressed due to a lack of a man in her life that left her with 2 boys to take care of. So she took it off on her kids because she felt like they were the reason for her pain. Meanwhile the kids took the abuse because they felt guilty for her hurting. It's the circle of life. So which I personally think would be the explanation of this madness I experienced. I loved Brandon, as a very dear and close friend to me. I still think about him and his brother and his mother, and wonder how he's doing now. I miss him, and the good times we had, and all the Grand Theft Auto I did not play, because there was nothing more that I loved than to watch him play.